Can you imagine if every woman said yes to you?
I know you're probably thinking:
How could that possibly be a bad thing?
But you're probably not including all the incredibly attractive women you'd have absolutely nothing in common with. Dare I say, the boring ones.
The ones who kill the vibe.
The ones you can't have any sort of meaningful conversation with.
The ones whose personalities drive you fucking crazy.
There is no shortage of them out there.
Do you really want to spend a ton of time and effort trying to make something work with someone who is completely wrong for you?
Could you imagine being stuck with a partner like that for 50 years, all the way until the day you die?
What if that version of you could come back from the future and talk to you right now?
He grabs you by the shoulders and says:
“Don't start a life with her. I'm begging you. It was brutal. 50 years of her dry personality. Just walk away. You already know you can't stand her. It gets worse. Your kids end up hating you for choosing her. Trust me.”
That makes my skin crawl.
And yet, when you're terrified of approaching women, you're often treating her saying yes like it's the ultimate prize.
She says yes = I win.
She says no = I lose.
But think about that for a second.
You hardly know her.
You know she's attractive.
That's about it.
You don't know if you actually like her, if you'll have chemistry, if you'll enjoy talking to her, if your personalities will work together, if she's interesting, if she's kind, or if she's someone you'd actually want in your life.
You just don't know anything yet.
When you're approaching a woman, you're not applying for the position of boyfriend.
You're not standing there asking her to decide whether you're good enough.
You're starting a conversation with someone you're attracted to and finding out what happens.
Maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn't. Maybe you like her, maybe you don't, maybe you both do.
Welcome to being a homo sapien!
Think about the people you already know.
There are people you absolutely love being around.
Then the people you can tolerate.
There are people you have almost nothing in common with and plenty of people who irritate the shit out of you.
There are perfectly good people who you simply don't click with.
You don't walk away from those people thinking:
“What's wrong with me? Why doesn't this person want to be my best friend?”
You understand that people are different.
You understand that not everyone is going to be your kind of person.
Romantic relationships are no different.
You're cannot possibly be compatible with everyone.
And neither is she.
I've approached plenty of women who I thought were incredibly attractive.
Sometimes you talk to someone and realize there's just nothing there.
The woman might look amazing.
But the conversation is boring.
The personalities don't mesh.
There's no chemistry.
Or you simply realize that, for whatever reason, you don't actually want to spend any more time with this person.
That's okay and in fact, that's useful.
Because you just learned something you couldn't have known from 20 feet away.
Attraction got you to the conversation.
The conversation tells you whether there's anything more.
That's the whole point!
And this completely changes the way you should think about rejection.
If she says no, you haven't necessarily lost anything.
Maybe you wanted her badly.
Maybe you're disappointed.
That's normal.
But you also found out something.
She's not interested.
You don't have to spend the next six months wondering whether something could have happened.
You don't have to keep trying to manufacture attraction.
You don't have to waste your time trying to convince someone to want you.
You know.
And sometimes that's a gift.
Because the alternative is spending months or years with someone who says yes when, deep down, you both would have been way better off saying no.
You also need to understand something else.
You are going to be incompatible with a lot of women.
That's not a problem you need to solve.
It's part of the process.
There are billions of people in the world.
You aren't going to click with all of them.
You aren't even going to click with a tiny fraction of them.
So why would you expect every attractive woman you approach to be someone you should end up with?
You shouldn't.
Your job isn't to make every woman say yes.
Your job is to find the women where both people say yes.
Find the girls with the floating green check marks above their head saying “yup you and I would do great together.”
That's a very different goal.
And this is where approaching finally becomes much easier.
Instead of walking over thinking:
“I hope she likes me,” you start saying, “Let's see if we like each other.”
You're still attracted to her.
You're still hoping she's interested and that you’ll be interested in her!
But you're no longer putting her on a pedestal and treating her response like a verdict on your worth.
You're curious.
You want to find out who she is.
And she gets the privilege to find out who you are.
Maybe there's something there.
Maybe there isn't.
You don't know until you talk to her.
I've been told no more times than most people reading this have probably even approached.
And I don't remember 99% of them.
They're just tiny moments that happened and disappeared.
Some conversations went somewhere while most didn't for whatever reason.
And yours will be the same.
Get ready to hear no a lot. Get ready to meet women you aren't compatible with and aren’t compatible with you.
And eventually, you're going to realize that none of this is a catastrophe.
It's just part of finding someone you actually want to be with.
So the next time you're standing 20 feet away from a woman you're attracted to and thinking:
“What if she rejects me?”
Remember:
You don't even know if you want her to say yes yet.
She's attractive.
That's all you know.
Walk over. Say hello. Find out who she is. Find out if she likes you.
You're not trying to get every woman to say yes. You're trying to find the women where the answer is hell yes from both sides.
I've had thousands of interactions that taught me things I couldn't have learned by standing 20 feet away and wondering what might happen.
I spent years doing exactly that.
I eventually wrote the whole story down — how I went from being terrified to approach women to actually breaking through that wall.
If you're struggling with this right now, you can read the entire memoir for free.